I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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