Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
