I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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