I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
