question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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