OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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