i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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