I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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