I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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