you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
