The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
