dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
