he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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