I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
