We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
