i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
