I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
