you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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