sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
