brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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