U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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