The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
