I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
