I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
