so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
