Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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