like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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