yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize