So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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