My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
