last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
