Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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