At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize