I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
