I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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