I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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