i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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