This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
