I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
