I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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