yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
