hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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