I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
