wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My balls are so social today.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
