How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
