Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
