Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
