i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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