So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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