Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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