I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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