I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
