break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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