You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
