omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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