I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
