I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
