no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
