All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
