i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
