It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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