Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
