thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize