Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
