I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
