I can't watch pbs sober anymore
time to smoke my breakfast
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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