We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And then my night got REAL pukey
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
