Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
