I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
