the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
