I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
