Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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