Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
