Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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