I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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