where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So vagazzling was a success
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