summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
