Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
