I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
