the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize