I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize