it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
