tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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