I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
