He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
