Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
