The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
