you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
