the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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