I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Randomize
