just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Congratulations! We have a period
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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